Big Dog Tales

Sat 8/12/2017 by Horn-E
Sat was the annual Around the World in Eighty Beers Hash set for the Big Dog Hash by Berts Special Friend and W Jew 40. Perfect weather. 7 beer stops along trail and 80 beers from around the world to sample. Much expense and setting up 7 beer stops and we should have had another great turnout. Instead there were only 6 hounds. With the hares, that would be ten beers a piece. After a beer, we finally took off at 3pm. It took 20 minutes to find the first check. By then we lost Pearl Vision. Actually she ranged far enough and found later trail and went on to stops four and five by herself. Eventually while drinking a beer a virgin came running along and she snagged him with a cold beer. Just John joined us for the rest of the trail. Meanwhile the other five ran all around the picnic areas of La Bagh Woods and eventually found the first beer stop in a cove of trees in the middle of the park, a hundred feet from the start. And the second beer stop was fifty feet later. After this we lost Fetus Envy who had to leave. We then ran on to some good deep woods running and finally came to Beer stop number three. Shortly after we left there, we ran into Pearl vision and Just John. By now we were dragging a bit and the fourth and fifth beer stops came right away and much standing around in the woods. Stop number six was missed, along the river, as a mark got wiped out. Another hundred yards and we gathered in a clearing for stop number seven and a circle. Good time, but we should have had a crowd.

The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash, 7/8/2017 by Horn-E
.....We had two hares, Berts Special Friend and Son Of Spam. Seven hounds were there for the start and Cums On All Bases showed up late and only got less then a mile into trail. The total trail was short, but spiced up with six beer stops. After each check we had to look for the usual three marks to be ON. At that point there was a beer wrapped in plastic with a coozie and ice and real cold waiting for the first hound there. Less then two Hundred yards into trail there Horn-E got the first beer, Two Brothers. Good stuff. Meanwhile everyone else ran on and Horn-E walked with the beer, trying to keep the pack in sight. That wasn't to hard with Sir Poops A Lot and Always Cums First dragging along behind. The next beer check was just into the woods at the south east of Higgins and East River Road. Lifa found that and quickly drank it down and soon caught the pack. A short time later there was a Check on a path and somehow Horn-E missed it and so did the pack and suddenly there was a mark off a path into the woods and another beer for Horn-E. Damn, he wanted to run and all he's doing is walking and drinking beer. A short time later Horn-E found another Check and this time it was the Foam Queen who found the beer. From here it was under the Expressway along the river with some nasty mud. We then ran down a path along the river and had another Check. Everyone ran straight along the path looking for beer. By the time Horn-E got there, walking and drinking, they were all gone and didn't check along the river in some steep slippery muddy shiggy. So Horn-E was directed down there. He just missed the beer and was heading back when the hare sweep, Son Of Spam, slipped and fell into that delicious mud. But the beer was found and given to Horn-E. Again, walking with beer and with Son Of Spam all the way into the finishing beer stop.
.....From there it was a walk back to the start where Son Of Spam started the grill and Always Cums First took over. We held a short circle and enjoyed hot dogs, grilled shrimp and Philippine noodle salad. A great day in great weather. Meat Inside Her was our First Bitch In. The only one that finished trail. And Its Too Soft was actually checking, looking for one of the beers.
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash, 3 Aug 2013 by Horn-E. That doggone dog bite story. Damn Dog, be gone.
.....This was set out of the usual Happy House by Happy Ass Grabber and was one of the better trails of the year. I didn't say that. We had 18 hounds at the start of this trail. We set out of his back yard and to the north as we worked a few alleys and streets to go north on Lake Street for a few blocks. From here we worked our way to the Green Line for a trip on unknown duration. Look for marks on the El platform. Horn-E, Lifa and Chicken Stifer headed to the first car to scout for marks on platforms as the train pulled into the station. Finally Horn-E spotted some marks below on Lake street before we came into the Cicero station. We headed out of the train to marks heading west and down to street level. Horn-E led and turned towards Cicero where we had a Check. Meanwhile Chicken Stifer just headed to the marks seen on Lake street from the train, forget trail, jump ahead. And most of the pack followed. As we headed east, there was a turn mark down what looked like a dead end. Actually a great Back Check through a hole in a fence. But Chicken Stifer just ran on east and found the marks from the back check and headed east. At the next street, there was a turn north again. This was true trail, but Chicken Stifer just ranged on east and wasn't seen again until just before the finish. Hooch B4 Cooch followed and wasn't seen until we finally crossed the Eisenhower Expy, much later. Meanwhile, the hash headed across some tracks just before a freight train, with the engineer blowing his horn at Horn-E. We then entered into some good thick woods, following flour. Saw Rusty Grundle on overhead tracks looking for marks, but they were clearly below. Came to a building and trail went around it in deep bush. Here I saw Son Of Spam coming out with the cache of beer. We were in some long ago abandoned building with huge piping inside. Cool spot. Great find Happy Ass Grabber. After a quick taste of beer, Lifa led us north with Horn-E right behind. At a Check, Horn-E headed over a little hill to some more tracks. Heading north, that blind old fart missed three marks. But Chunder Pussy was following and spotted the marks and they turned east over another little hill and into deep bush. Horn-E followed with the pack coming right behind. But trail was elusive and Horn-E managed to pick up on the trail and led to some more tracks and finally out to Kilbourn and a Triple Split.
.....Horn-E went north and the trail went south as Rusty Grundle led. He then got caught by a Back Check at the first street, regrouping the pack somewhat and there were now runners and walkers. We headed south, over Lake St. and a bit of Zig Zag in local streets. I found myself following Chunder Pussy as we returned to Kilbourn and saw three walkers, Salty Gash, Fistful Of Pricks and Taste The Rainbow. Taste The Rainbow (?) walknig along with an ice cream come he got at an ice cream truck. Yeah, they still have those and it was still  playing "Turkey in the Straw". Meanwhile we went on to the west a bit and found trail through an empty field and along some elevated train tracks and another mini beer stop. We were now nine. Two missing and seven walkers on short cuts. We drank the beer and Chunder Pussy and Horn-E then led us under the tracks and to the east. Here we found a Split. Horn-E went south and Chunder Pussy found trail to the east. Horn-E paralleled and rejoined the pack at Kostner and a Check. Trail went south just after Son Of Spam lost his usual cool and cussed the training pack of the local gang bangers causing some shit. Across the Expressway we came to a long loop to the east that Berts Special Friend managed to get caught on. We kept going south until we found the walkers and a Check at 5th Ave. Trail ended up being found to the south and under some mostly abandoned tracks. Back to the east for two long blocks and then into some deep shiggy, across those tracks at ground level and into more deep bush filled with garbage and whatever. Salty Gash was staying out of the shiggy calling to the late arrivals. That would be Horn-E. This section came out at 5th Ave where Its Too Soft looked to be On to the west. He wasn't. Trail went north and back into deep bush. This section was chest high prairie grasses. Half the pack or more was ahead as I entered this section. Taste The Rainbow was seen running to the right of the pack with wild abandon. Horn-E did the same to the left of the pack passing R-Tard-E. In the distance we could see TP on the tall grasses. We finally came out at Kilpatrick, just south of Polk and a Triple Split. 
.....Taste The Rainbow headed straight west in an alley. Berts Special Friend headed north to Polk and found a turn arrow west. Horn-E waved Taste The Rainbow on to the west. Then he went to the side walk and walked along this fence around a home with three dogs running around and barking like crazy. The fence was a strong head high iron fence reinforced with a mesh of tough plastic to keep the dogs from reaching through the iron bars. Now here is the big ooops. Apparently the owner of the property bough two large sheets of this plastic to attach to the fence. Unfortunately, it didn't cover the hole fence. As Horn-E passed the gap in the plastic, a Pit Bull leaped as far as possible through the fence and grabbed him on his arm. Shit. Horn-E yanked as hard as possible, ripping his arm from the jaws of death. There was a three inch gash on the top of his wrist where the dogs tooth dragged through flesh as Horn-E pulled back. Grabbing his wrist, he found blood pouring out from a deep puncture wound on the inside of his wrist. Damn. Rump Springa, who wasn't wearing his shirt, volunteered his T-Shirt to wrap the wounds. Several of us walked around to the front of the building where several kids were hanging out. Like 4 or 5 year olds. We asked them to get their parents, 'someone had been bitten by their dog.' Then another girl came out, about 9, and she had a cell phone, apparently calling daddy. Meanwhile Horn-E started to get a little light headed and we went across the street to some shade on a lawn where Horn-E could lay down. Salty 'Florence Nightingale' Gash held his arm up to minimize bleeding. Happy Ass Grabber eventually asked one of the locals, actually probably the owner of the dogs, for a ride to Happy Ass Grabber's House where we could connect with a hasher with a car for the ride to the VA. And he did.
.....Hey, I was hurting, but the ambulance bill is about $1000 and they would take me to the nearest hospital. More bills. I wasn't impossibly bad off and it made good sense. At the Happy House, Son Of Spam was there and volunteered to drive me to the VA. I got my back pack and we were off. At the VA, I finally got a VA cop to get me straight into ER without the usual VA procedures. Eventually X-Rayed to check for bone damage. Negative. Cleaned up and wrapped with gauze. They don't stitch up dog bite wounds because of the chances of infection. Chicago Police came by and took the report. Lifa showed up at the VA, after the Hash party ended, to offer a ride or whatever. I was okay and was able to take the bus home. Not pleasant, but I managed. I'm on antibiotics for a week. Special thanks to Son Of Spam, Rump Springa, Lifa, Happy Ass Grabber and especially my hash nurse, Salty Gash.
.....As for the rest of the trail, hell, I don't know. They got back, drank beer, held a circle, ate food, and went home. Others not yet mentioned included Bi Holer, EZ On The Ass ( did he actually run anything or did he just hang out with us before the trail. I know he works on Saturdays), Back Door County and Meat Insider.
 
On On
Horn-E
 
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 13 July 2013, by Horn-E
.....This was set by Soul Taco and Poultry Fucker from a festival at Palmer Square. I was told by Soul Taco that it was supposed to be a HOBO Hash. So I did my best to show up as one, levi shorts, mismatched shoes and a hat with the tag still on it. And I was the only one. WTF. Soul Taco didn't even dress as a hobo. I arrived just as the circle broke and the pack took off. We headed north and west around the festival and then north along Kedzie Boulevard. Finally the trail headed east, through city streets to a 22 foot tall chain link fence. Not me. I ran around and finally caught the pack at a Check on Fullerton. This took quite a bit before Lifa found trail to the east and then south. I again feel behind and finally caught up to two walkers, Its Too Soft and Taste The Rainbow. Taste The Rainbow? They walked and I tried to run. A little. We took turns passing each other a few times and I finally got a block ahead and for some stupid reason, I thought I saw a mark heading east. After a block, I found nothing. Looking back, I saw the walkers heading south. WTF. I headed back and damn, there was no turn arrow. I'm getting delusional. I then followed south and the trail headed into Humboldt Park. Running on I was DFL to the beer stop. Son Of Spam was a no show. And their was a nice breeze under the bridge and the beer was cold. We finally headed all the way back, walking, to Palmer Square where we held circle, Big Dog style. At circle we were joined by all sorts of non runners raising the total to near 30. After circle, people soon split and a bunch were going back to the back yard of Back Door County and Chunder Pussy where everyone seemed to bring food and we all sat around and ate a variety of foods. Finally everyone headed home.
.....Now here is where I stepped in shit. I took the Belmont bus. I could have transferred to Damen or Ashland to go north. But both would leave me transferring to a Clark bus later on. So I just went straight east to Clark, where I waited about 20 to 25 minutes. Okay. Then about two blocks later we stopped, sort of. The damn Cub Game just let out and the streets were full of walkers. It was over a half hour to reach Irving Park, six blocks. Damn. Shit happens.
x
On On
Horn-E
x
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash Apr 13, 2013 by Horn-E
.....Or G and Gas Stop Bob were our hares out of Dugans. Now if you are familiar with the area you know that there are a lot of EW streets and NS streets and then many of whatever angle necessary to meet up with two angled streets, Milwaukee and Elston. We're definitely going to get fucked unless we stay on trail. We didn't. We had nine hounds, sort of. Two were given a walking trail to the beer stop. A virgin, Just Cary, and a visitor, Ice Box who knew the Ice Box that hashed in Chicago in the past. Meanwhile Horn-
E
led the seven trail hounds across the street and through a parking lot. A quick change of leads with Happy Ass Grabber and Horn-E was back in the lead after several Splits into alleys and streets. We finally headed across Milwaukee and Elston. Chicken Stifer was heading north and completely off trail. We headed across Elston and into some alleys and Chicken Stifer rejoined us as we came to a Check. I'm not sure what happened here. Chicken Stifer and Horn-E were to the east and not On. Horn-E headed into an alley on a mark and when he returned, the pack was gone. The Check was marked in the opposite direction and so it was now all about catching up. Somehow we headed back across Milwaukee and into more angled side streets. Every Check and Split was marked, but I still had to do every one of those damn little loops. We headed west of Nagle and finally north of Devon. A short time later I spotted some of the pack in front. Several blocks away. Damn. Just keep running. More back and forth and good Checks. Damn hares. Finally I ran past Yacko's, a Moon Hash hang out. Later EZ On The Ass said that was as far as he got. Apparently behind everyone from that damn Check. Trail went west down an alley and the pack was now only a block and a half ahead. Suddenly Chicken Stifer passed me. Apparently he was doing what I did, but further back. We now went around an area of several cemeteries. Berts Special Friend was now a half block ahead after a Split. Ran west to Newark, a NS street going right through the middle of the Cemeteries. About 3/4 mile long road. Just Chris was leading along here. We finally hit a Triple Split and Just Chris headed east into the Cemetery. I could see Chicken Stifer ahead as he also headed into the cemetery, but before the spot were Just Chris did. A short cut? Nah!. Just Chris returned after not finding any marks. Chicken Stifer didn't and we didn't see him again until Sunday at the Chicago Hash. Bye. Meanwhile I kept plugging along and slowly gaining on the pack. I finally passed Just Do Me Slowly and the hare, Or G. At the end, we crossed Milwaukee and headed east on Touhy. They crossed Touhy and through a parking lot and finally into woods. I was now right behind them and at a biking path I was right behind the lead, Happy Ass Grabber. Then he seemed to get lost in the woods and we came back out on Touhy at a Split. Returning from the Split I was last again. Just Do Me Slowly was given a short cut to the beer stop and was gone. I followed the hare into the woods and was soon running through a dead body The poor deer thing. All deer bones. I grabbed a trophy thigh bone and ran On and soon passed the pack and led us out at Harts Road. Now we had to cross the river and here I took off into the woods over and through and around wet lands and over logs and such. We came out at a picnic area and a Check. Heading across the road through the picnic area, Horn-E found one mark and Happy Ass Grabber found more and we were On but at a split. Happy Ass Grabber was On to the right and Horn-E was coming towards him when he spotted marks going south in the woods. This came out in a large picnic area and a Check. Horn-E was On One. On Two, And Berts Special Friend was On Three. They ran south along a bike path and passed a picnic shelter, and the beer stop. But we didn't recognize anyone there and ran on in a big loop around the beer stop while they all laughed at us. This led us into wet lands, still dry, as Horn-E led through tiny paths and such, On into woods, and we finally lost it. Berts Special Friend found it and out into picnic grounds and a Split. Berts Special Friend headed west so Horn-E headed east and there was the short cutters and hares waving to us. So we both walked in together. Shared FRB and Horn-E made it three hashes in a row. Damn tired.
.....We dipped into the no peek beer stop and I ended up with Steel Reserve. As thirsty as I was, it wasn't bad. Just Chris got stuck with the Clamato. Ugh. And some got some good ones. Eventually, the hare gave us all nice bright yellow Big Dog long sleeve shirts as his birthday gift to us that made it. After we got cold, we finally headed back to the bar where EZ On The Ass was waiting. We held a Big Dog circle and all was good. Bloody Thighs turned up in her walker and joined us. We managed to get around to naming Just Chris and he shall forever be known as Son On Spam. And Bloody Thighs was finally my ride home were I could collapse. Good time and "It's About The Trail".
x
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 9 Feb 2013 by Horn-E
.....This was the 8th Annual Idiotarod Hash set by Happy Ass Grabber, this time out of his house. We had nineteen hounds (probably a Big Dog Record) ready for trail as we took off on a live trail through the Get Toe and abandoned factory zones and parks. In addition to a final beer stop, we were going to get about four or five mini beer stops of about two beers to pass around. A regroup for the pack before leaving. Yeah, like that works. We started out in the usual direction, NW, and got an immediate Check at Madison and Sacramento. After some effort, trail was found in the south in an alley. Soon we were heading east on Jackson, through a quick Check and On east. I was following along with the others in back, Its Too Soft, EZ On The Ass, (sweeping) Steve the Train Killer, Ice Princess and SnatchSquatch. And we did a lot of following all day until SnatchSquatch got lost and EZ On The Ass short cut some to the beer stop at the end. This led to a Check at Washtenaw. We went under some tracks and had another Check in this large empty field. To the south was out first beer stop, but we didn't find it. Meanwhile with the pack scattered everywhere, Lifa looped around this other empty field to the south and found a mark coming out of it. ON. This led under the tracks to the west and a quick Back Check that slowed down Lifa. Trail went over a foot bridge over the Eisenhower Expy. Another Check but quickly found and we headed south and then under the tracks to the west. Again, the damn hare caught the pack in a Back Check and Horn-E looked at the tracks and saw a mark leading the pack up to the tracks where Chunder Pussy took over the lead. A block or so later and trail went into a huge snow covered field and another Check. Local knowledge and a view of this slag hill by the tracks and I headed south along the tracks, Jizz Limit was ahead and he found marks at the next street, crossing the street and right up the hill. Beer Stop. We all gathered for the beer and view except SnatchSquatch who couldn't get up the hill. So he headed out looking for trail and didn't see trail or hashers for about an hour, going in circles over and over again looking for marks that the hare hadn't laid yet. He finally found a mark going in the wrong direction and was able to rejoin the pack. Meanwhile we started looking for trail. Lifa, Steve The Train Killer, Horn-E and Barf Fly were down on the nearby rail spur finding nothing. Finally one mark. Then a second leading into some nasty bushes, etc. But nothing. Barf Fly jumped over a fence and into a parking area to the south. With no one looking, Horn-E decided to stand like a man and while otherwise occupied, damn if he didn't spot the elusive third mark. Yelling on as soon as he was done, what was left of the pack converged on the rails above this nasty shiggy and while Horn-E climbed out of the shiggy, they were On to the south along the tracks. So there were the usual DFLs running and walking behind. We finally came out at 16th St. and a quick Check. Horn-E could see runners to the west and followed. At California we ran into Douglas Park and I could see the pack standing around at another beer stop. As I arrived Just Chris brought me a can to help finish. Needed that. And as the last three DFLs arrived we took off with everyone heading NW except Lifa and Horn-E who went around some low area with obvious water under slush. Staying in the snow didn't work and suddenly Horn-E was flat on his face stepping knee deep in a hole of freezing slush. Duh!. Learn to stay away from deep slush. But we went On and Lifa was soon On leading across Ogden and around the lagoon. I avoided the water this time and by the time we got half way through the park I could see TampOn TampOff and coming up behind me. While the trail weaved a little, we just followed Lifa and soon came out of the park at 12th Pl. and California. There were now a bunch of us and I headed east on 12th and after a block found marks heading north across Roosevelt. Several hounds were already ranging and ahead and now coming back. Another Back Check that worked. I followed Bert's Special Friend and Just Chris to a fence at California where some climbed the fence and Horn-E slid under with the Harriets. A block later and we were at a Check on Taylor. I'm guessing west and naturally trail went east. This is where SnatchSquatch finally rejoined the pack. Two blocks later and we're back at that damn hill for another beer check. I followed Back Door County up the hill and then back down and we headed east again to the next street and a Triple Split. We could see Mommy Strangelove and Barf Fly to the north and followed. This led us back to a Check just before the footbridge we previously crossed. I believe this is where a good portion of the pack Split off to the north over the footbridge thinking that on a live trail you can go back over former trail. We fucked up. Some meanwhile went west and found a Check at California just before the bridge over the Expressway. This led to the Beer Stop in a little park. Meanwhile the rest of us were lost. Horn-E checked to the west and never saw the pack again, running into On Out marks and going over that Check on Jackson all over again. Finally saying, 'I'm done', he walked back to the house and found Chunder Pussy waiting. Meanwhile those other lost hashers stumbled onto the first beer stop that was missed. Then they ran back to the house arriving a few minutes later. And right after that, the real beer stop crowd arrived. The hare waited a little longer at the beer stop before giving up on us. All that was missing was Taste The Rainbow who was still out working the trail. He arrived about 15 minutes later. The pack was now whole. Wild tales were being told. Trail averages were 7+ miles. Chili was being served and a Big Dog Circle was held. All was good and there were many good beers to be had along with cheap down down beer. Then as she left, Foamy Discharge found she had a flat tire. Much thanks to Chunder Pussy for changing her tire. I finally left getting a ride back to the El from R-Tard-E along with Furry Spice.
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog 8 Beer Stop Hash 1/11/2013 by Horn-E
.....Set by Two Hairnets and Horn-E out of Catherine Chevalier Woods. We started out with 20 pounds of flour and 36 beers including 312, PBR and Coors. We were off on trail about 10:15 for three hours of working our mystery or fucking up this course. Well, some of each. Trail started out with a quick loop into the woods and back out to some grassy parkland. The pack was stretched out and somehow not following marks and no one seemed to see the first Check. We did point it out to Gas Stop Bob to prove it was there. But what got the pack was seeing marks on trees that were False trail marks off of the Check. Especially SnatchSquatch. Where was he going? Anyway, they did manage to get back on trail past a shelter and into some narrow spider trails behind it and into the woods. And a Split and a Four Way Split slowed down the FRBs and we regrouped. This led to a E/W path and an immediate turn south on a narrow path that is surrounded by thorny bushes everywhere. Because Gas Stop Bob is a walker I gave him a short cut to the third Check. We did have several Splits along here, but we mostly stayed on the same path until near the end. This was a short loop to the south and back north to a Check. By the time I got there while sweeping, the On call was heard to the West on a path. And off they ran. Gotcha. False. Lifa was soon on trail to the north and after a split trail he ran on to the next Check with the pack following. This was at the long E/W road into the woods to the river. Meanwhile Gas Stop Bob already checked out a looong False to under the Expressway. And seeing the whole pack heading his way, he slipped into the woods and let them go right on by to the False. Sneaky bastard. And several hounds including SnatchSquatch and Furry Spice and ??? headed over to the river at the last split before the check and actually walked backwards on the real trail. Love it. Gotcha. So finally everyone returns to the Check. Lifa is off in the woods going who knows where. Bert's Special Friend heads east on the main path. Hey, its another False. Meanwhile Gas Stop Bob is now heading south along the river and on the real trail. This headed along this path and a quick fourth Check that had a False previously found from the other direction on the second Check. Gotcha. And on we go as I finally pass Gas Stop Bob and that left SnatchSquatch and Just Chris walking alone in the back. R-Tard-E was ranging on the main path to the east and Ice Princess was also missing. Finally we head inland and into the woods. after a bit we came to the first Beer Stop and I saw Glory Hole walking along with a beer. First. Further on into the woods we came to some flooded wetlands and there was the Second B. And the beer was on a log over the water. Or G got there first, but no one could find the beer. Finally R-Tard-E finds it and talks Happy Ass Grabber into going out on the log for the beer. Well, rather then falling in, he finally just stepped into the water and got the beer. But, On goes the pack and I follow. We now get to an elevated wide bike path going south and finally back into the woods. I paralleled south on the path and eventually the trail crosses the side path and to the rivers edge for Beer Stop Three. And there was Barf Fly leaning against a tree leaning over the river drinking a 312. She was joined by Ass Capades and EZ On The Ass and they all looked as casual as possible drinking beer along the river like it was a sunny summer day. On trail was now back to the east on a wide path, and most of the pack came back from a False to the south and eventually into the woods they went and now heading south again. This finally led to an illegal fire pit in the woods and Beer Stop Four. And here is Lifa(?) and Ice Princess(?) for the last ten minutes, finding nothing. R-Tard-E runs up, yeah that R-Tard-E, and spots the beer right away. By the time I get there, SnatchSquatch is already heading east looking for trail. Yeah, he is On, but him and a bunch of hounds miss a turn and finally return and headed Northeast through thick woods and into an open field. Often wet lands here, the brush is in little mounds. They had burned out the weeds here in a normal procedure of controlled burning of prairie lands. This leads to real treacherous running. And right in the middle of the field in a thicket of skinny trees is the Fifth Beer Stop and Just Eh managed to crawl into the thicket and retrieve the beer before I even got there. And already, three of the drinkers are gone looking for the next beer stop. And they all ran right on by it. It was a bit off of a straight course and hounds saw the next marks off of the Check and just ran right on by. They didn't know they missed it until they found the Seventh Beer Stop. Meanwhile Two Hairnets and Horn-E managed to call back a bunch of hounds and they searched the area for the beer. And searched and searched. Finally I look at O'Shitty Runch and his eyes light up like a teenager at his first Gentleman's Club visit. And where was this beer? About fifteen feet up this old white dead tree. So he climbed up the tree and passed it down to the waiting Or G. Just Do Me Slowly swooped in for a beer. Along came Ass Capades and Barf Fly pulling up the rear of the pack and Gas Stop Bob also got one. I then ran on to find the FRBs. They were already gone from the Seventh Beer Stop in a thicket of skinny trees that you can barely get through. So I ran on and found a large pack of hounds around the Eight Beer Stop. And that was the most fun beer stop of all. While walking in a dry stream bed, looking for a spot to hide the beer, Two Hairnets looked under these two logs and saw an animal. Horn-E went around and there was a possum. Poking it with a stick confirmed it wasn't playing possum. RIP. So we put the beers between these two logs and right at the snout of the possum. Apparently there was a lot of fun as various hounds arrived and looked for the beer. Someone grabbed the bag and it split and all of the beers fell onto the dead possum. Want a fresh cold beer? They all managed to get one, One Chuck Fuck, TampOn TampOff, Drill In My Box, Furry Spice, finally Bert's Special Friend, Ice Princess again and many others between seven and eight. We finally all gathered and headed on in to the finish.
..... Here we got more beer for a circle and went looking for this fort in the woods. Apparently the tree police removed it as we couldn't find it. So we just settled into the woods for a good Big Dog circle. Ice Princess and R-Tard-E were called out for being greedy and getting four beers. And what was that about Ice Princess upchucking? Never mind. We were havinv so much fun that even the deers were joining us. When the beer was gone, we headed out to the On On On. Damn, about time. I was getting damn cold.
.....On On On was at Gladstone Inn on N. Milwaukee where the bartender gave us many free pitchers and we ordered some pizza and some just went next store for good sandwiches. We were eventually joined by Bloody Thighs who gave me a much needed ride home after we ran out of beer money.  
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 10 Nov 2012 by Horn-E
.....This trail was out of Gamblers and our hare, SnatchSquatch had a family emergency so he finally found Dark Side Of The Poon to lay trail for him. I did see a map, but don't know who planned the trail. Basically, a little south and north of Foster from Pulaski to Kedzie. I got there late, damn CTA again. This time detours. So I took off after them and it wasn't to hard to follow. Some things were marked, but relatively simple, back and forth trail. There was at least one loop with a short cut that was marked. Finally I crossed this neighborhood bridge and a few blocks later I caught up to Just Grace, and Little Trojan Annie returning from a fence climb. Around the block we ran into Urine Love waiting for them. They were walking after doing a race earlier in the day. About two blocks later, as we approached Kimball we saw Just Ernie, and Just Chris trying to run and two other walkers, EZ On The Ass and W Jew 40. Just Chris and Just Ernie and Horn-E ran on across Kimball and into the campus area. A block or so later we saw Lifa coming towards us. He wasn't On at the time, but I think he was in or near the front. But we had marks over a bridge and he didn't correct us so we ran on. This was just a big loop over to Kedzie and back through the northern area of the campus and that is what Lifa was on. Hey, thanks pal. You could have saved us that loop. W Jew 40 and EZ On The Ass came along behind us and managed to catch a short cut there. Meanwhile Just Chris is leading us in circles and soon we hear an On call, from W Jew 40 and EZ On The Ass. A short time later we passed them and left them behind as Just Chris and Horn-E tried to keep Just Ernie in sight. Trail ran along Foster and into a little loop into a park, then back west on Foster to Pulaski. Here is another little park and the rest of the pack was waiting at the other end, drinking beer.
.....Nice spot for a beer and the weather was still nice out and the sun warm. But things move on and we soon headed off to the bar.
.....Back at the bar Lifa got the beer flowing and we started a Big Dog special circle. And at the Big Dog circle, we all get a chance to lead a bit. The other hounds on trail included The Dark Kunt, Taste The Rainbow, R-Tard-E, 69 Cent Man, O'Shitty Runch, Ass Capades, Just Eh, and Cunt Putt from Indiana I think. We also had two hashers who left before circle, Clark Kunt and Glitter Spitter. We had two house puppies in Gas Stop Bob and Or G who showed up just for circle with Or G's two visiting sisters. Welcome. After circle, we sort of all left real soon. But a good time. And no CTA troubles on my way home.
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 13 Oct 2012 by Horn-E
.....This was Gas Stop Bob's annual birthday hash and he laid a pretty good trail. twice. Damn rain. The location was Edgebrook Woods and most of the trail was in the bush. There was a TH3 Brunch before the hash and a bunch of hounds showed up to pissed to hash, Ice Princess and Hoosier Daddy, and two injured to hash or stand, Four Score In The Back Door and W Jew 40. And then there was Bloody Thighs whose running days are over, but they managed to get to the beer stop, the infamous no peek beer stop where Furry Spice got the 24 oz can of Clamato. Trail took off towards the tracks following Chicken Stifer into a wooded strip were Horn-E Found the way out and unto the tracks. Trouble was, the trail didn't go into the woods on the other side of the tracks. Instead it went about a hundred yards down the tracks to the left before entering the woods. I caught them in the woods and followed along trying to catch up, finally working my way to near the front as we exited the woods and crossed Caldwell. A block later was a Check, our only Check. Chicken Stifer found the trail to the left and we worked our way towards the railroad tracks through city streets. That was the last we saw of Chicken Stifer until he came into the beer stop last. Apparently he found some marks in a parking lot that weren't ours and then was lost. At the tracks about half of us had to wait for a train, but soon we were off and running back into the woods. Somewhere around here we lost Bloody Brown Castle. We ran on until suddenly we came out at a road. Trail followed this road along the golf course almost to the end when there was a sudden turn into the woods and out onto the golf course, Here we back tracked and headed west across the golf course and into the woods and a bridge into another section. More running in the woods here as we followed Or G and finally came out at another fairway. I headed towards another bridge and Lifa got there before me spotting another mark. Across the bridge and we followed a path along the golf course until we again got a chance to run into the woods. We did lose track of trail a few times in the woods and as we came to the river, Or G said he thought he saw a mark on the other side. O'Shitty Runch immediately headed across the river and found nothing. So he returned. And damn, if he went a little further he would have found marks. Meanwhile we headed east in the woods and eventually came out on Central. We crossed the bridge and headed into one little last section of the woods before coming to the beer stop.
.....After the beer stop, only five of us ran off on the rest of the course. Yeah, only five. Or G, Lifa, and Furry Spice led Little Trojan Annie and Horn-E through some city streets before entering the woods at Indian road. This gave us a short run along the river before we had to climb up to the tracks and cross the trestle. We kept going along the tracks until we finally headed back into the woods, just below the finish at a shelter. Good finish.
.....Gas Stop Bob got the grill going for some good hot dogs, and Lifa got the circle going in Big Dog style. We had one visitor, Riot Me This Riot Me That from Memphis and he ended up using a crutch. We did notice Hoosier Daddy sleeping on a chair during circle. Ice Princess has the picture. But he was woken up. Bad move. Never wake up Hoosier Daddy after he passes out. I'll leave it at that. Towards the end of the circle we were joined by Just Do Me Slowly who just came to mooch food and drink our beer. Who else was on trail? R-Tard-E and his father, SnatchSquatch.
.....Several of us hung around drinking beer until the cop came by to close the forest preserve. We then all ran towards the cars and were gone. Four of us, Lifa, Or G, Horn-E, and Gas Stop Bob ended up at the Nil.
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 9/8/2012 by Horn-E
.....Well, I'd like to tell you about this trail, but I never saw it. Oh, I was there all right, just minutes before the start. We were standing around in La Bagh woods, drinking beer and waiting for a late start to get off. A few minutes before Lifa said we'd take off, nothing was happening. You know, like a circle or something. So I walked about a hundred feet to the beer pavilion for a last taste before leaving and as soon as I returned, minutes, the pack was gone. I rushed back and Bloody Thighs indicated they went south. And south was an entrance to the woods. So I headed into the woods and saw no one and no marks. Apparently they moved the circle to the end of the parking lot. Why, I can't imagine. So while they are talking about the marks, I'm ranging further and further into the woods, and constantly looking towards the parking lots and into the woods. Nothing. So I ran on to the railroad trestle crossing. No Marks. I ran over and west, constantly looking for marks. Nothing. I ran to Cicero and a return bridge crossing. Nothing. I ran back through the woods towards the Beer Society Picnic. Nothing. I ran over the start again. Nothing. WTF. So I went and got a beer. Meanwhile, as I heard it, Chicken Stifer and Poultry Fucker laid a trail from the end of the parking lot, through another parking lot and mainly through a bunch of local streets. City Streets? We're in the woods. Well, maybe a little woods. TampOn TampOff was the first in with Or G and Lifa. Back Door County, Chunder Pussy and R-Tard-E lost trail and returned early. The KGB arrived well after the trail and ran the trail alone. The Camp Puppies included Bloody Thighs, Just Do Me Slowly, Sir Poops A Lot, Always Come First, Magnetic Muff, Just Bob, Gaping Panda and Just Nicole.
.....As for the picnic, when I arrived, everyone was well into the Salsa competition. After the trail I got into the chili's. My apartment smelled like it the next day. We finally ended up with the rib competition and deserts. And when the voting ended, Back Door County took Second Place for her Chili. Well done. Chicken Stifer was seen going around picking up ballots from the ground to stuff the ballot box. He made some comment about, 'How do you think I was GM for four years.' Well, we know that, but her Chili was good enough to make it on its own. Didn't need ballot stuffing, just more tasters. It was damn good.
x
On On
Horn-E
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 3 Mar 2012 by Horn-E
.....We ran out of Dugans on Milwaukee and I was there for an early meeting of the TH3 Mis-Management and that was really mismanaged as the location was changed without adequately informing the members. So I was left in the bar eating an early lunch when the first hashers arrived. Our hare was Or G and he laid a shitty trail as usual. Rat Bastard that he is. We had two hounds to set the beer stop, Gas Stop Bob and Bloody Thighs. When we next saw them in the woods, it was Guzzling Bob and Frozen Thighs waiting in the woods. That left seven hounds for this trail that was amazing and woods running. Amazing in that the beginning was a series of streets and alleys and all pointing north in a weird, convoluted maze. Even though Horn-E had seen marks to the north and east side of Milwaukee, he followed as the pack headed southwest. Here Happy Ass Grabber ran past a Split to another Split into an alley. Chicken Stifer followed Happy Ass Grabber into the alley and at a T in the alley there was an arrow pointing west. Happy Ass Grabber went west to a quick Check. Chicken Stifer went north for some reason and wasn't seen again until we returned to the bar about 2.5 hours later. He missed a good trail, but claimed to run parts of it. Just not with the hash. Meanwhile Lifa found the Check and it led to an immediate Back Check and we headed back to Milwaukee Ave and back to the trail Horn-E had seen. But after a few quick Splits, Or G really started the tricks and we really started to work the alleys and parking lots and empty lots and who knows what on these angled streets. Lifa and Happy Ass Grabber led most of it with Just Nick also running near the front. That left Horn-E and Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown struggling along somewhere behind, from dead Freaking Last to keeping the leaders in sight. Its Too Soft did what he does best. Stay close to the hare and don't leave Splits or Checks until the hare marks them. Well, it was mostly like that. Its Too Soft did lead us into the woods along Central. Now we got into the shiggy and Lifa, Just Nick and Horn-E were down along the rivers edge while the trail eventually went over to Central. We crossed the river on the bridge and headed into Edgebrook Woods for some nice trail running. Then we crossed the tracks and into a section of woods where the drainage isn't to good. and so the water from the previous rains was several inches deep, here and there as we worked our way over to Caldwell. Did I follow the trail exactly. Hell no. Lifa and Horn-E did try to skirt around to the occasional high spots and we picked our way through the woods, keeping the rest of the pack in sight ahead, running through the deeper spots. Suckers. We finally came out on Caldwell and headed east and then south through a residential area for a bit. And Lifa was now DFL. Yes, that Lifa. But we were soon back into a pack and headed into some woods along the north side of the golf course. Horn-E and Happy Ass Grabber led through here until we came to a back entrance and a Split. Second one to the Split gets second choice and so Horn-E headed into the golf course. Wrong. The trail went south in the woods to the rivers edge where we had to go around a fence and into, you guessed it, the golf course. Damn, I already had that. But trail, woods, along here is narrow along the rivers edge. I think Just Nick found the trail way west and Horn-E followed. By the time Horn-E spotted a mark and entered the woods, the FRBs were heading west and Horn-E led Its Too Soft and Or G on the true trail. This led to the railroad trestle. The pack assumed the trail crossed the tracks and trestle and headed back into the woods. Or G finally hinted to Its Too Soft to head down the tracks and he was soon On. But we lost it at a turn into the woods. Horn-E finally spotted a mark on a tree and we looked for a way across the flooded culvert along the tracks. This led to Horn-E ranging into the woods looking for marks. Nadda. Meanwhile the pack did find marks that paralleled the tracks in the woods. We headed east and soon we were spotting the Beer Stop hounds. Horn-E being on a path managed to get in just before the pack.
.....We then had to pick out a beer from a brown bag, a No Peek Beer Stop. What you grab, you have to drink. 24 oz cans. Some good, some damn good and that rat bastard hare, Or G got a Clamato. He deserved it. And no one found the Steel Reserve. They'll probably save that until next time. Damn, it is still hovering above us like a pigeon ready to drop a load. We were now stopped and the air wasn't. That damn wind was cold so we went over a hill and out of the wind and it was good. It was an hour and 25 to the beer stop, but good trail. Damn, I hate to admit it.
.....But eventually we got cold and we headed over to Elston and over a mile and a half back to the bar. As we passed Nil, Lifa said I have $5. Horn-E kicked in $5 and about six freezing hounds stopped for a quick pitcher. We then walked on in and found Chicken Stifer all warm and sitting at the bar. Then he left right away and we went into the back for a Big Dog circle. Good time, but we left shortly after the circle, exhausted.
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 8 Oct, 2011 By Horn-E
x
.....This was set out of Forest Glen Forest Preserve by Gas Stop Bob. When I arrived, late again, the pack was gone. The trail went out of the picnic shelter towards the tracks and to the left towards the Metra Station. No one was in sight, but the marks were plain and good. I followed them to Elston and there was a turn arrow heading west on Elston. I went a block or more. No marks. Crossed the street and returned, nothing. Went north again on the south side of the street, for two blocks, nothing. I decided to return on the north side of the street and see if I missed a Check. And there was a big mark. Almost immediately. And so I was off, following trail as it worked towards Foster, across Foster and a few loops and over to Milwaukee. Most of the Splits were marked, so I just followed along. But the trouble was the consistency of the marks. Often close together and suddenly over a block and a half without a mark causing me to return several times to look for a mark I might have missed. Never found one. So On and On it went. At Foster and Milwaukee was the one and only Check. And the Check was marked and so I followed through some more side streets and finally there was a Split that wasn't marked. And across the street, sitting on someone's lawn, was a Beer Stop. There was R-Tard-E, SnatchSquatch, Ball Cock Dumper, Just Do Me Slowly, Magnetic Muff, Or G and that dastardly hare, Gas Stop Bob. That beer tasted good. And I was given some head gear to wear for the rest of the trail, A dam warm wig. It will be used again. And others had wigs or hats to wear.
.....We finally took off again, mostly walking. Tired and hot. Finally Or G and R-Tard-E took off and headed towards the woods. About 50 feet into the woods were the tracks. And an arrow pointing at an angle. But no one was finding anything. This enabled Horn-E to range and find the trail into the woods. At last the woods and a time to run. Dead last to the beer stop. In front the whole way in the woods. We went deep into the woods for a bit before finally ending up on wooded paths. These ran along the river through lots of green trees and grasses and a few trees just starting to change color. We ran on all of the way to Forest Glen Road, over it and into a short section of woods. This led to a short loop and back across the road and into the deep woods, leaping over logs and such until we emerged at the shelter and the finish. Well, the last part was damn good.
.....Gas Stop Bob started up a grill and brats were soon being eaten. And potato salad and such. And in honor of Gas Stop Bob's 60th birthday, he brought out bright orange T-Shirts for everyone. Big Dog Logos too. SnatchSquatch was the first off on the usual Big Dog circle and we all took our turn and got more then a few down downs ourselves, out of the dog dish down down cup. We then sat around drinking a lot of good beers until it was time to go. Beautiful day in 80 degree weather.
 
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 7/23/2011 by Horn-E
.....The hare was EZ On The Ass a we were out in Hodgkins in a forest preserve. EZ On The Ass had to be at work at 3PM but he did what he had to do, probably had some fun and laid a decent trail. Well sort of. But that is the way to handle a bad situation. Make it work.
.....That left five hounds on out own. We took off to the north along the parking lot and soon found ourselves walking on floating boards over some wet lands. This led to a big field and a Check. How the hell did anyone even find a Check much less some marks. We had five hounds spread in six different direction looking for a tiny patch of flour in 20 inch high weeds. Naturally Horn-E was in the opposite direction when Lifa found some marks to the north. The pack blew through the next Check and soon was at another at a rope hanging from a tree. Rhotan was already off in the woods burrowing around in the weeds like a coyote looking for a lost chicken. Happy Ass Grabber was playing Tarzan on the rope. then Dickens Cider tried her hand at Jane. Lifa was just going top climb up to the branch twenty feet up. Yeah sure. Horn-E said fuck this and headed off looking for trail. And damn if he didn't find it heading NE. This led to a road and Lifa took the lead at a Check into a mall, but he was soon back at an intersection with La Grange Rd and another Check. Another Check that stumped the pack. Dickens Cider finally found marks south on La Grange. Rhotan was still looking for that damn chicken because he was in deep woods and no where near trail. Finally we thought trail went into the woods. But it seemed to dead end. So we came back out and headed south only to hear Rhotan yelling On like he caught that damn chicken. So we found ourselves back where we were, following Horn-E on what almost passed for a trail. We had to go into a little gully were Horn-E followed Happy Ass Grabber and Turbo Dog lapped up the water like it was actually fresh. Finally we caught up to Rhotan. Dickens Cider was almost sent to the kitchen with her bitching about EZ On The Ass and his tiny far apart marks on the ground where no one will find them. All right, she was partially correct. but we were moving along and eventually finding the marks. We ended up running through a wide field of tall weeds were Horn-E took a brief lead before we went back into some paths, real paths, in the woods. Rhotan was first at a Check but Horn-E found marks to the south and led through some Splits until a wide path and another Split. He had to pick one wrong eventually and this was it. By the time he got back the rest were out of sight. We eventually headed into the deep woods around a mucky swamp. Horn-E could hear Happy Ass Grabber and Lifa and Dickens Cider taking turns calling On and tried to catch up to the sound of the ever changing lead hound and occasionally seeing a mark. We crossed a stream and now my shoes were officially wet. Eventually Horn-E saw the pack and trying to catch up to their right they lost trail yet again and before he even caught up Horn-E was suddenly ahead. Yeah, like that would last long. We eventually came back to that wide path and from here in was out of the woods and through a large picnic area around a lake, back through a tiny section of woods and back to the cars were we found Rhotan plucking that damn chicken or something in his lap.
.....This picnic area was crowded with amplified noise so we went back to where we exited the woods and there we would be alone under a shade tree with that lake in the back ground. And the lake looked crystal clear with a great reflection shinning on the water making the hills and vegetation behind it look like vegetation going down a deep gorge. Really nice.
.....We brought out the grill and held a way laid back Big Dog circle. A few hot dogs and snacks and Sam Adams and we finally were rested enough to head home. And Horn-E was designated to do all of the Hare down downs. EZ On The Ass you owe me,
On On
Horn-E
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 11 June 2011, by Horn-E
.....We met at Irish Times in Brookfield. So far so good. We had two hares, Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown and Whoreo. They each set a trail. So far so good. We were to start on the Whoreo trail and after a beer stop, end on the Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown's trail. So far so good. We didn't know it was A to B. Oh oh. We didn't know they each set a long trail. Like over 5 miles according to Lifa's GPS. You should see the GPS map. Scary. But we were innocent hounds and set off on this adventure at about 2:45. We were to see them again at a beer stop.
.....We started at a Check and Lifa was soon On to the east along the tracks. After about four blocks and a Split or two, we circled a small park and headed north through the park where we got our feet wet early. We had a Check in the park and EZ On The Ass finally found marks heading north along a path and out of the park and across the river to the west. From here we parallel the woods as we headed north and ultimately along the west side of Brookfield Zoo. At the next Check, Suck A Dick Save A Smile found trail and we kept going north. Eventually, we headed into the woods and along the rivers edge. You better like running along a river, because we were going to do a lot of that. And in the deep woods, everything was beautiful and green. The ground was muddy and slippery and slow going at times. Lifa and Suck A Dick Save A Smile were way ahead and EZ On The Ass and Horn-E were pulling up the rear. Finally we started to gain on Suck A Dick Save A Smile, eventually catching her at a Split. Lifa was finally caught at the next Split and Horn-E finally got his turn in front. That lasted about a hundred feet as he missed a turn. But we ran on, mostly on narrow paths to barely there, deer trails. Finally at another Check in the woods, Horn-E found marks across several small water crossings and was soon running On through Split and Split and through deep woods and over logs and through knee high weeds and such. After some time this emerged at a road and a Triple Split. Horn-E was already checking out the second leg when the rest emerged. This led to a circle jerk and the pack was on a bike path into the woods. Again, we were soon off the bike path and along the rivers edge and some really slippery stuff. Lifa was leading us and he led us up to some tracks where an arrow pointing under the tracks in the river was misinterpreted by Lifa and he was over the river checking when Horn-E spotted the marks along the river on the north side. Off we went and this was a long stretch of path along and near the river, twisting around and over logs and such until he came to a Check. This was right where there was an opening into some sort of civilization and an abandoned bowling lane building. Horn-E headed out into the parking lot and over to the main road to the (?) Actually north. It was Cermak. He suddenly heard Lifa's whistle to the west in the woods so he paralleled on Cermak looking for an opening into the woods, by the time he found one, he was way ahead of the pack and found trail back out of the woods at Mannheim Rd. Horn-E didn't know where the pack was now. In front or behind. Crossing Mannheim he kept blowing the horn as he started south along a bike path, continually blowing. Finally he saw the pack behind him and he ran on a few hundred feet to, the beer stop.
.....5.3 miles. A great trail. One of the best of the year. The beer was great, and the view over the river was great with the rapidly moving rain swollen river flowing on by.
.....But this was just a beer stop. We now had to run back. To the bar? We didn't know. It wasn't. We started out to the south following the boundless energy of Lifa. Does he ever tire? Well, it soon turned into three packs. Lifa in front running on and on and eventually out of sight while we ran a long distance on bike paths.
.....Horn-E and Suck A Dick Save A Smile followed and walked and ran as a middle pack. When we finally got back into the woods after a small bridge, Horn-E hit a patch of grass/mud that looked fine. It even looked fine while sitting on his ass. But just walking, suddenly the slick mud was like wet ice and he was covered in mud. Great, just great. But we went on. We had no choice. We didn't know where we were and where we were going. Finely Suck A Dick Save A Smile took off on a narrow path through the woods and Horn-E tried to catch her. It took a while before he was able to again see himself gaining on her. He caught her just after some more water crossing, ankle deep, and the mosquitos were starting to rise out of the deep weeds. and we started to get into deep weeds with briars and thorns to go along with the mosquitos. They were flying in at us so much that it was like the Jap bombers at Pearl Harbor. They never quit coming and from all directions. We had no choice but to go on, and on and on. Fortunately, at every split, Lifa went back and marked the correct direction with twigs in the shape of an arrow. Running was slow here and as Horn-E followed Suck A Dick Save A Smile all he could see was the swarm of mosquitos following her. We finally came to a driveway for a picnic area in the woods. We followed the arrow and suddenly there was the finish, another 5.3 miles after the beer stop.
.....Where was EZ On The Ass? Well, he was tired and walking. And walking and walking and walking. It was another fifteen minutes or so before he was finally seen coming across the grass. Horn-E headed out with a can of beer for him. Tired, but never quitting.
.....At the finish we had some great chicken, potato salad, salad dip, cupcakes and chips. And there was nothing but good beer available in the cooler. All was good, at last. It was already after 6:15. We had been out there for three and a half hours. The trails were great. Two of the best trails of the year. We settled into a relaxed BDH3 circle and enjoyed the beer and food. We were over four miles from the start and eventually Suck A Dick Save A Smile had to leave so we went for cars. Lifa came back to give Suck A Dick Save A Smile and Horn-E a ride to the Blue Line.
.....When I woke up on Sunday afternoon, I was still tired and my legs were sore and stiff, but it was a great adventure. The woods were beautiful, We saw deer, my shoes dried out, and believe it or not, if you keep moving you stay ahead of all of those damn mosquitos, and the beer and food were great.
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash Sat, May 14, 2011 by Horn-E
 
    Soul Taco laid this trail with an assist from Rhotan who then left her to face the Big Dogs on her own. We ran out of Waterfall Glen Forest Preserve in the Argonne Labs area southwest of Chicago. Soul Taco finally gathered the pack for a chalk talk. Wang Chunks was strutting around in a sleeveless Cammo shirt looking like Rambo. Not. He soon had his jacket on and stayed behind with the other two House Puppies, Ice Princess and Just Nancy. 
    Is summer really here? Not by the weather. A very light spray of rain was over us or threatening us most of the day. But very doable. Meanwhile 12 trail hounds set off on trail right into thick brush and thorns. The woods were real thick with new growth, just in the last two weeks, which would make taking short cuts harder because you couldn't see far enough ahead. At the first path, a Split, Licker Leash went left. Trail went right and we followed Dickens Cider. We soon had a right turn over a mini stream. Just as the last hound, Horn-E crossed the stream, False was called. So Horn-E re-crossed and took the lead down a beautiful wooded path. At the next trail crossing and a Check, Horn-E picked straight and was right. Then came another Check at yet another trail crossing and again, Horn-E picked straight and was On again. This time he missed an obscure little path to the right and went straight. This ended in a cover cove of trees that were blocked at the end and no marks. And our virgin Just Jamie was just about to pass Horn-E. He learned the game real quick as we retreated along that same path about 75 yards to that last mark and headed off path for some good off trail running, dodging the occasional strand of thorns. At a hill going down Tampon Tampoff took the lead followed by EZ On The Ass and Horn-E. Coming up the other side, Dickens Cider was already off to the right on a bike path. The greyhounds, Chippendale, Licker Leash, Just Jamie, Lifa, Tampon Tampoff and Crop Duster took off after her and I didn't see them again on trail. The back trio was Mr Poopie Pants, Horn-E and EZ On The Ass. We finally had a turn up a hill and into woods again. This eventually led into a dried creek bed. How can a creek bed be dry with the weather we've had lately? But we picked up on Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown along here. Great, now four DFLs. We came to a Check in the woods and trail eventually went along a narrow path in high grass to the top of a hill and another Check. By now, we were far enough behind the greyhounds that we were on our own. EZ On The Ass finally found trail right back down hill and we ended up crossing a river on tracks and back into thick woods and a tiny stream bed. Really struggling through here, Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown finally led us out to another bike path and to the left. A long run here to a cross bike path and another Check. Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown went right and actually found the hare coming out to look for us. But she told him to not tell where the trail was. Why? Because that would mean skipping a loop. Damn hare. The Check looked like someone marked it to go up a hill. EZ On The Ass started into some nasty depression that saved his ass from doing the loop. Meanwhile, Mr Poopie Pants and Horn-E headed up the left side of a hill under transmission lines and in tall grasses. Suddenly we were hearing whistles and Tampon Tampoff yelling ON. But that was to our right and that could only lead to that same path with that Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown already checked out. So, we were On and kept going. After all, running in the bush is why we were out here. At the top there was a fence and trail went right, along the fence. We missed a large obvious turn and finally noticed no marks. Upon returning we entered into deep woods and we were struggling trying to follow marks, from on trees to on the ground like two separate hares were marking separately. We finally saw a figure in the woods ahead yelling On. It was Spread Cheeks from Tampa our third visitor. So, the three of us pushed on finally emerging at the hill we went up, but on the other side. About 25 yards down hill we went back into the woods. This is where the greyhounds were when Horn-E and Mr Poopie Pants went uphill and heard them calling On in the distance. Damn hares. They really got lucky with the trail here. We were just far enough apart to keep missing a good short cut with the exception of EZ On The Ass and Bubbles The Sad Beer Clown. From here we finally emerged at that bike path and met the hare. We ran the bike path and crossed a bridge and then ran along the rivers edge on a nice running trail to the point where we had to cross the river on rocks. Yeah, we fell in. Ankle deep. But once wet, wet. So we walked out and up to the waiting pack of hounds gathered around the beer.  
    After comparing blood and quenching thirst, we headed across the waterfall, in the water, and back down a long path to the cars. Chairs were pulled out and we settled into the bush for a circle. Big Dog style. Everyone gets a chance to lead the circle. Our hare drank frequently. Our virgin and visitor was called out. Just Jamie will continue hashing in Cleveland. Last time we sent someone off to Cleveland, we named him 'Your River Burns' and several other nasty things. A real long name of about twenty words. And our other visitors, Mr Poopie Pants also from Cleveland and Spread Cheeks were also called out. Then EZ On The Ass made the almost fatal mistake of telling the visitors that they had to sing a song, tell a joke of show a body part. Mr. Poopie Pants immediately turned away from the seated EZ On The Ass and mooned him. He is now the only one who can verify if those pants were. Really close inspection. Dickens Cider had to give EZ On The Ass mouth to mouth to get him breathing again. I don't know who drove him home, but he was still blind at the restaurant. And so it went for a real good free wheeling circle.
    After we finished the beer, to the last drop, we headed to a Chicken restaurant for dinner. No, not a cheap place, but the beer was $5/pitcher. Then the rains finally really started to come down and Soul Taco drew the short straw and had to drive Horn-E home. It was raining so hard, she looked over and wondered if he was really Noah in disguise, I mean he is that old, and was she driving him to an Ark in Belmont Harbor.
 The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 9 Oct. 2010 by Horn-E
 
    This was Gas Stop Bob's first solo hare attempt and it looked like it. But first, Horn-E barely got there on time. A detour on Kimball and a five car accident bogged down traffic. We had a small pack of seven that included one bimbo, Magnetic Muff. Hadn't seen her on trail lately. We also had two visitors, Just Jim from Bakersville Cal. and Twinkle Toes from Houston. We had three other local hounds, EZ On The Ass, Happy Ass Grabber, and Or G. We had one non runner, injured, Greasy Spurn who stayed back with Gas Stop Bob.
    So, lets go. But first, this was an October Fest Hash, as declared by our Here, Gas Stop Bob. That meant German Hats and Swedish Wigs. Damn, I got a wig, but Or G showed how to ware it. You tie the pig tails under your neck and you don't loose the wig. Whatever.
    We were off and Or G led us over the bridge to the west and our second split, and then our third and, which way were we going. We ranged all over before Twinkle Toes and EZ On The Ass found trail north on Cicero and under the Expressway. This led to a little stretch along the river and back under the
Expressway where we again lost trail. Or G picked it up on a road and we ran west and then back into the woods as we took turns finding marks, Horn-E, EZ On The Ass and others until we came out at Forest Glen Bridge and a Check. Now this one had has. Damn hare. We were fifteen minutes here, looking everywhere. Magnetic Muff found a Back check to the south. Others Falses into the woods. Finally Horn-E spotted an orange arrow in the edge along the sidewalk. Would that bastard hare actually change colors without telling us. Yep! With that, Or G was soon on and we entered into a section of woods not often hashed along Forest Glen Rd and Cicero. Horn-E and EZ On The Ass eventually took the lead, trading off here and there as we spotted elusive marks until we emerged at Cicero and Caldwell. Horn-E ran through traffic and a block later found a Split. The pack followed and we headed south and into that maze of streets. Where, I don't know, but a strategic shortcut worked and Horn-E caught the leaders just as Happy Ass Grabber found trail into the woods, leaving Or G off on a False. But again, the marks seemed obscure and Horn-E ventured into some dried up wet lands with chest high swamp grass. At the other end was a railroad right away and damned if there wasn't a mark. Heading south he found two more marks and looked for the pack. About a hundred yards back was a road and the pack would go by there. And they did, but didn't hear the horn. Instead they went on to a Check and scattered about. This eventually brought them back to the right away. And there they wandered. Lost.
    Now let me tell you about Twinkle Toes. Apparently his feet are the opposite of Horn-E's feet. Tough and hard while Horn-E's are soft with few calluses. So far he ran the entire trail barefoot, including the wooded sections with all of the sticks and roots sticking out. But the right away was all stones, big stones, used to anchor railroad ties. So he finally slipped on some moccasins. Hell, I'd still be back tip toeing through the first section of woods in my bare feet. Well done. But I digress.
     Horn-E is standing there for at least ten minutes blowing his horn and the pack is two hundred yards away and can't find a mark. And the only mark around there was BN. And ten feet away was a black bag with ice and beer. Finally the pack saw Horn-E and ran after him and he entered the woods, east of the right away. A nice section of woods that eventually led to some condos and a road out of there and over to Foster. We were stretched out along here. Magnetic Muff and Or G ended up front and Just Jim and Horn-E in the middle and Twinkle Toes, Happy Ass Grabber and EZ On The Ass pulled up the rear as we ran along Foster and in the park and finally over to a last section of woods for a nice run on in.
    And there was Gas Stop Bob and Greasy Spurn waiting and the Brats cooking and other good stuff to go along. Good beer was available and the pack just collapsed. And Gas Stop Bob bitched and bitched about us missing his beer stop. But all was cool and we held a Big Dog circle. Then everyone left, to damn tired to go on. And Gas Stop Bob took Horn-E to the El stop, by way of the missed beer stop of course
 
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 12 Jun 2010 by Horn-E
 
    Lifa was our hare from Catherine Chevalier woods. As I arrived I saw only one hasher, R-Tard-E sitting there. But almost immediately our hare arrived, wet and muddy and covered in flour. Great. Soon another car arrived with Happy Ass Grabber, EZ On The Ass and Just Jeff. Finally Or G arrived and we had a six pack. Finishing our warm up beers, Lifa gave us a flour holler about the mysterious marks we would encounter. And they were. We were then off to the south and into the deep woods. All around was this lush green growth, trees overhead and all manner of ground cover up to our knees. But no poison ivy or screaming nettles so all was great. R-Tard-E took the early lead but missed a turn to the west. Horn-E took the lead, but went the wrong way on a Split. Then it was EZ On The Ass and so it went as we traded leads and ran through the woods. After a Check, Happy Ass Grabber found trail to the south and Horn-E tore through the heavy brush to fall right in behind him. He ran on to a small creek crossing and headed east to a Split. With Horn-E right behind, he took the wrong trail and Horn-E got back in front and led us out to a path through the woods and a Split. He headed west and found trail and we ran on to a Check at a fork on the path. Horn-E was again On as he headed south and back into the woods. This was a short section and brought us right back to the same path. R-Tard-E took the lead and ran to a turn into the woods and towards that same damn creek. EZ On The Ass yelled that he saw flour on trees. These were to the east and Horn-E crossed the stream and took off on them. Meanwhile R-Tard-E saw marks straight across the stream to the north and he and Just Jeff took off on them. The rest of the pack found marks to the west and took off along the stream to the west. Does this sound confusing? You should have been out there in the woods. We all had a steady stream of marks that we were following. R-Tard-E and Just Jeff followed their marks a short distance, ten or fifteen marks and found BN and then B. Yes, that soon. And there was no beer. Meanwhile Horn-E was on a big loop of many marks to the east and back to the west and eventually right onto the same marks that R-Tard-E followed, but he didn't know it until he came to the BN and B and found them. There we stood, with no beer. We saw marks to the south and rather then just stand there, we went off to see where they went and try to figure out what happened. All we determined was that we all were right. R-Tard-E and Just Jeff ran back on their same trail to the B. Suddenly, we heard On On coming from the west. It was the pack of three, Happy Ass Grabber, EZ On The Ass and Or G. Horn-E just sent them off on the loop that he did and ran off to the B. There was Gas Stop Bob who had directions to the beer and Lifa. Apparently the pack of three who were on the correct trail and got another 20 minutes of hashing before they came right past the beer stop and were directed on the loops that the other three did. Problem. The big S trail that was set was to close to other parts of the trail and even trying to hide marks didn't work once they were seen. Damn, I would have like to make the longer trail. But it is hashing. We drank some cold beer and headed back out of the woods and back to the start. The grill came out and some hot dogs. Snacks, chips, pretzels, cookies and of course beer. We held a typical Big Dog circle as we ate and finally it started to sprinkle a little. Then Its Too Soft arrived. He soon got cold as the temp dropped and got a blanket. He looked like a squaw standing there. We all soon started to layer on more clothes and eventually we brought out umbrellas and rain gear. But we kept drinking. That is hash. Good time. We finally ended up under a tree singing songs as we finished the beer.
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 10 Apr 2010 by Horn-E
 
    Genesis was our hare for the 69 running of the Big Dogs. I hare and 8 hounds, and assorted wannabes. We ran out of Gamblers on Pulaski. I'd like to tell you where we ran. I'd like to know. But it was a good twisting trail that had all of the pack together all of the time until four of us met a couple outside gardening, and they offered us beer. Oooops. Screw the rest of the pack. More on that later. We were given instructions at the beginning and there would be bone checks. Yeah, bone, or so the marks on the side walk were so drawn. And at each bone check was a hidden green tennis ball with a face drawn on it. These all corresponded into prizes at the end. My pink tennis ball got nothing. Either did my two little ones. Not even the big, little one.     We headed off down side streets and alleys with a lot of loops and back checks and quickly entered into a little park. Here was out first bone. And SnatchSquatch was quick to the bone. But then we were off and running again as we looped through the park and came to another bone. And so it went with the bones. A nice regroup, but I couldn't find a damn thing. As we left the park to the east where we had a Check. And Or G ran right by the marks. So we were mostly across Pulaski when Or G finally returned and found the missed marks. Hey, Or G, you know how this works? Back into the park at the rivers edge for a nice little romp through the weeds and stuff. The flowers were coming out showing good promise to next weeks Bushman flower hash. I digress. We emerged and back into the park and then across Foster to a long Split. Sorry Bloody Thighs, but when you are on the east, you check out the east. Trail went west and into the park. Yeah, another park. I think they found another ball here. I was just following as we did Check and headed across Foster to the south. Now here things got tricky as we got into angle streets coming off of Elston and north soutn streets off of Foster. Now throw in a lot of alleys and you have a good mix. All I do know for sure is Lifa met these gardeners and they brought out some Tecate for us. Great. Horn-E, Bloody Thighs and Pokehisanus joined and we drank beer on a beautiful day. Meanwhile Happy Ass Grabber and turbo dog, Or G, SnatchSquatch and the International Virgin ran off and left us. Screw them, we had Tecate. But eventually we followed and soon we emerged at Foster and into the park. Trail went into the forest preserve, over the tracks and into a big field where the FRBs were waiting at a shelter and we had beer. Beer stop? Hell, we circled there. A Big Dog circle took off with random RAs. Prizes were given and Horn-E was DFL for the second hash in a row.
    Eventually Genesis had to leave and so we headed back to the bar. By car. There we found Peterbilt waiting with the tender bartender. We went through a few pitchers and Lifa soon had us heading out to a Korean restaurant were we all gathered in a small room and we were joined by Mudsucker, Stab'em & Slab 'em, Two Tickets To Pair A Thighs, and Chippendale. Lifa pretended to speak Korean and ordered for our communal meal and Or G got smashed like I have never seen before on some Korean alcohol made from sweet potatoes. Take that sweetie. And so we ended the night.
  
The Tale of the Trail
The Big Dog Hash 6 Feb 2010 by Horn-E
 
    Nice turnout of 12 hounds for the Annual Idiotarod Hash. EZ On The Ass helped Happy Ass Grabber hare from the Happy House and we were soon off on a long killer trail. Actually, not that bad. About 75 minutes of ghetto hashing to the beer stop and then a half mile or so on in. I digress. We were off and running to the north a bit and then we headed west. Horn-E was following Crop Duster as he just found trail and sure enough Tinkle Trotskie, Just Allison and Two Tickets To Pair A Thighs just ran right on by him. Slow old fart. Across empty lots and down alleys with the pack spreading out and then re-converging, sort of before Genesis, Lifa, Tinkle Trotskie, Crop Duster, and Pokehisanus would run away with the pack again. At one point EZ On  The Ass yelled out, "Horn go straight." This was just after the last of the FRBs, Two Tickets To Pair Of Thighs headed east on a side street. So Horn-E headed south thinking a quick loop. Not. A block to the east the leader kept heading south and finally disappeared. They ended up on a loop up on some tracks and over the road we stragglers were on. They came back to earth about a block to the west and another loop back to the road we were on. Meanwhile we headed south under the trestle to the next corner and the Turkey/Eagle Split. Corn Star, R-Tard-E, SnatchSquatch and the Turkey sweep EZ On The Ass went off on the turkey trail. Horn-E headed west on the Eagle trail alone. Two long blocks later was a Check. West. Dog footprints, but couldn't find the third mark. Back to Check and south. Nothing. All right, north. Here Horn-E ran into Lifa ranging from the loop the front pack was on. Finding nothing, we headed back to Check and three others had caught up, Crop Duster, Genesis and Tinkle Trotskie and she was on to the west. Damn, Horn-E almost had it. From here on, with those fast bastards he was lucky to just keep the rear hasher in sight between Checks, loops and Splits. We ran on down the middle of some boulevards and through enough alleys. Everywhere we went, people were constantly asking what we were up to, who we were chasing or who was chasing us. Eventually we ran through a park and headed north. Lifa could be barely seen in the distance as the trail headed up some tracks and into a short loop. Damn, just close enough to miss them coming out of the loop. Had to do it all. Upon coming out of the loop, some more Eagles came along. Pokehisanus managed to spot the FRBs and passed Horn-E and Two Tickets To Pair A Thighs and Just Allison were just arriving as Horn-E emerged from the loop. From here It was an easy 7.5 miles or so on into the beer stop were we got a shitty beer for coming in so late. Eventually Its Too Soft came across the bridge and the pack was in. From here we ran slowly back to the On In.
    Beer, may varieties and some good stuff too. And out came the fresh pop corn and some pizza. We held the rotating Big Dog type circle and we all relaxed. A well done hash.

 

 

Make a free website with Yola